Really, I Just Want to be an Artist

Over and over again in life, I’ve found myself at a place or reckoning, a crossroads, a y in the road. Insert your favorite metaphor. I find myself wondering what in the world I’m supposed to do now. Something to make more money? Something with good working hours? Great benefits? Little travel? Lots of travel? These are of course all the wrong questions.

When I ask myself the big, right, questions – “What would I do for free? What would I do if nobody else ever cared? What would I do if I had a million dollars in the bank right now?,” I always end up in the same place. I want to be an artist.

Now the difficulty is that I’ve never showed a lot of ability in any one area. I’m a pretty good photographer. I’ve made some decent videos along the way, written some catchy songs, penned a few poems, and tried my hand at graphic design. I’ve just never committed to any one expression. And on the other hand, all my life I’ve decided to go with the safe bet – get the degree, pay the bills, work hard, make enough money, don’t chase a foolish dream. Don’t even try.

Now I’ve got a beautiful wife and four amazing kids with one more on the way. They bring me overflowing bucket loads of joy – with a side of responsibilities. So I can’t just run off and chase a foolish dream. I can’t do something truly risky.

So, now what?

Truthfully, I’m happy where I am. I love Watermark and what I’ve learned and experienced here. I don’t want to change that. But I need to find a way to express all of this stuff that’s rolling around in my head. I need to satisfy this longing I have to be an artist – to create. So, I have a plan.

I’m going to write a screenplay. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never “got around” to. Well, I’m going to get it done. I’ve got a great idea that’s been simmering for a long time, so I’m going to crank up the heat a bit and get this thing out. It’ll take a while. Six months? More? Not sure. But I’m going to do this.

What can you do? Hold me to this. Ask me about it. Remind me that I’m committed to this. Help me stick to it.

I don’t even care if the thing ever gets shot. I just want to write it and write it as best I can. That will be enough. We’ll see how it turns out.

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